I filled out my housing application yesterday for The King's College. The thought of roommates hit me for the first time! I immediately got butterflies ( I'm still not sure if these were nervous or excited butterflies) after pondering actually rooming with people and living in an apartment in the city. Before yesterday, I suppose I had continued to think that going to King's was only a dream or possibility. But now, filling out the roommate questionnaire and signing my name on the housing document, made me realize that this was actually happening!
The past couple of weeks, as I have begun to prep myself mentally for the idea of actually being in New York next year for school, I have felt a wave of fear, to be honest. Fear, that tells me that I won't be able to cope with that big of a change without all my loved ones around me. Fear, that cries, "You are just a child!" "You are too weak to be used!" or, "You're only going to fail!" Fear, that makes me wish that I could stay in my comfort zone. But then, I have realized, that God has brought me this far so why should I worry about coping! He directs my path! He is the one that provides for me and so there's no need to worry about feeling out of place. I should expect to miss all the people at home but, I also need to remember that God is with me, no matter where I go. I also know that I won't be losing the people that aren't coming with me (thank goodness!)! I have realized that, sure, I might still be a child, but it's even in that weakness that He will use me and He will make me stronger. I have also realized that it is outside of our comfort zones that God does miraculous things. If we were in our comfort zones, those acts of God might not seem so miraculous!
Yet, I still hear the winds howling, feel the ground shaking and the rain pouring. It is less than a month until graduation and I feel as if a storm is raging around me.
I have never... enjoyed... the verse where Jesus says, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” (Mathew 14:31) It strikes a sensitive note in my heart. I think every individual hears that verse, and cringes because we know that we should have more faith. I certainly know that I should have more faith! God has repeatedly provided for me and guided me through major trials. So, why is it that whenever a bad possibility arises, I lose nerve and begin to worry? I've witnessed God do miracles and yet I still forget His power and sovereignty! It makes me feel silly! I suppose though, that is what our flesh wants us to succumb to and dwelling on those flesh instincts will only make us weak. Remembering His power though can give us the strength to move mountains! How amazing is that?!
Let's go back to Mathew 14, specifically verses 22-33. Starting at 22-24, I'd like to point out that, first of all, Jesus sent the disciples ahead of Him. Jesus knew what He was sending them into and it just so happened to be a rather large storm! Jesus had a purpose in doing so. Second, I'd like to point out that the disciples didn't see Jesus until they were in the middle of the ocean. Mathew 14:23 says, "But the boat was now in the middle of the sea, tossed by the waves, for the wind was contrary." Jesus didn't appear to them until they were hopelessly in the middle of it all! I think that verse paints an amazing picture for our lives! I'd also like to point out that the boat was, "tossed by the waves, for the wind was contrary." Isn't it true that so often our trials are circumstances where we feel like our lives are out of control, tossed by waves of doubt, fear, and hardship because the winds are contrary to us? When God has given us a destination, a purpose, we can sometimes find ourselves fighting against waves on all sides and winds that try and push us to turn around or even worse, off course. The most reassuring thing though, is that God will come to us in the middle of it all! Now looking at verses 27-29, I've always thought Peter's question in verse 28 seemed curious. Jesus has walked up to the boat in the middle of the storm and Peter asks Jesus to prove Himself by commanding Peter to come out and join Him. Recently thinking over this though, I realized that Peter was stating that he knew Jesus was powerful enough to walk on water and all powerful enough to take someone, like Peter, and make him be able to walk on water too! Peter wanted to hear God command him to go and then he would know that the figure standing on water before him was Jesus, the Lord. I recently heard a speaker state, "We should want God more than peace." In my mind, that also applies to Peter's situation. If all that Peter cared about, was receiving peace, why didn't he call out saying, "If you are Jesus, then make this storm stop!" Peter wanted to come to Jesus. I'm sure Peter wanted peace, but clearly he wanted God even more. And what did God do with that desire? He did a miracle and kept Peter on the surface as he walked on water. The trick is to keep your focus, thoughts, will, desires and actions on God. If you don't, you start to sink. We start to question everything... Why did God choose me? How can He make this happen and how is it possible to remove this obstacle in front of me? And the most ridiculous question that you could ask while God has already taken you out of the boat and out of your comfort zone and has already provided you solid ground in the most chaotic of storms... What if I fail? What if I sink and drown?
My pastor this last Sunday, gave a message that I was really blessed by. One of the things that really stood out to me, was that God is Lord in our storms! Jesus sends us in a particular direction, for a particular purpose. He knows that a storm is on the horizon. At the moment we think that our boat or our lives are going to fall apart, He comes to us. He presents Himself above the storm, unaffected by the wind and waves. In control of the storm in fact! He calls to us saying, "Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid." Yet we are still afraid. Only once we trust fully in Him and seek Him above peace, can we truly find peace. He will give us the confidence to step out and we can be assured that He will create a solid ground for us to step out onto, even though we feel like we are in the middle of the most chaotic, stressful, fearful and unstable circumstance possible! He is our only source of stability. Stability will not come from our boat or comfort zones because those will only continue to rock. Stability will not be found in the people in the boat with us because use they are just as scared as we are. He is the only one, powerful enough to create stability amongst chaos. Because He is Lord in our storms! The storm might seem chaotic to us, but really, He is directing us through it! He will keep us a float and He will always be with us. All we have to do is have faith in Him and remember that He is Lord in our storms!
