Things aren't even remotely the way I would have predicted them. I'm now 20 years old and since the short time between now & my birthday I've made some very important discoveries.
Those you trust most in life might not always behave in a loving, forgiving, or even kind way.
Pushing something or someone away because you feel hurt is not the same as surrendering your feelings to the Lord. Especially when your method of pushing someone away is to try to hurt & humiliate them.
Trial & error is more than just a creative process. It's life as a whole. And my job is only to simply strive for excellence, praising the Lord along my way.
Just keeping your hands open to the Lord can mean that you are offering Him something you already have in your hands, or your hands might be empty and what you're really asking the Lord is to fill them with the desires of His heart instead of yours.
Never assume you're about to "catch a break." This world likes to sucker punch us... So I'm going to keep praising Him for shine or rain so that I'm not a sucker & hit so hard the wind gets knocked out of me.
There are some things too big for me to fix. But there is nothing that is too big for the Lord to fix.
Smiling might just be the best option. Even if it's the last thing you feel like doing.
When a person changes it doesn't mean that they've lost the person they were before. It simply means that there is a new layer of who they are on top of who they were.
As my Principles of Management & Organization professor shared with me, "The Lord always brings tea & roses in the midst of suffering."
The saying, "God is in His heaven, and all is right with the world," doesn't mean: God is doing His own thing, and everything in life is perfect. This means: God is in control & come what may, everything's going to be ok.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Sunday, October 9, 2011
He leads me by still waters. He restores my soul.
I love New York the most when it's 7:00-7:30 in the morning. No matter what the season, you wake up feeling it will be like any other day, but as soon as you pull yourself out of bed, open the blinds, and get hit with a beautiful golden warmth of sunshine, you know it's different. Yesterday morning I went into our living room and it was like I was tackled with this big sunshine hug from God. The pure golden color of this light cannot be adequately described in my opinion. I probably sat there for a good ten minutes soaking up the radiance of God's majesty with a huge sleepy smile on my face.
Outside, it's almost like the streets have been untouched. You feel like you've stumbled onto a new place, undiscovered, and all your own. Even in Midtown there's so few people up and about so early in the morning that you could practically go running down 34th spinning, and dancing, without needing to even remotely worry about colliding with other pedestrians. For those of you that have ever walked down Midtown New York on 34th, say around 1:00pm, you know that it can get pretty crowded. In fact, during the majority of the day 34th is absolutely crammed with tourists, business people, students, and more.
At 7:30 in the morning, 34th is calm and seems strangely simple.
The streets are somehow always wet in the early morning. People tend to walk a little slower and taxis seem to honk less as if they didn't want to wake anyone. Even the whissshhh of the cars going down the street seems to be hushed.
The air is paper thin and the sun feels as sweet as a child throwing their arms around your neck unexpectedly for a hug.
But wait even thirty minutes and you miss it.
I don't know what happens or how it manages to change so drastically so quickly but it's like receiving a random and unexpected blessing from a friend. Like when someone brings you flowers just because they know you had a hard day, or if someone takes the time to write you a letter just because they wanted to, or when someone stops you right in the middle of the hallway to give you a really solid hug. The city seems to embrace you, showing you that it isn't insensitive like some might believe. And then just like that you move on. Your day continues and you join the rush of people. However things aren't the same. The city seems less threatening and more like some type of home.
Psalm 23
Outside, it's almost like the streets have been untouched. You feel like you've stumbled onto a new place, undiscovered, and all your own. Even in Midtown there's so few people up and about so early in the morning that you could practically go running down 34th spinning, and dancing, without needing to even remotely worry about colliding with other pedestrians. For those of you that have ever walked down Midtown New York on 34th, say around 1:00pm, you know that it can get pretty crowded. In fact, during the majority of the day 34th is absolutely crammed with tourists, business people, students, and more.
At 7:30 in the morning, 34th is calm and seems strangely simple.
The streets are somehow always wet in the early morning. People tend to walk a little slower and taxis seem to honk less as if they didn't want to wake anyone. Even the whissshhh of the cars going down the street seems to be hushed.
The air is paper thin and the sun feels as sweet as a child throwing their arms around your neck unexpectedly for a hug.
But wait even thirty minutes and you miss it.
I don't know what happens or how it manages to change so drastically so quickly but it's like receiving a random and unexpected blessing from a friend. Like when someone brings you flowers just because they know you had a hard day, or if someone takes the time to write you a letter just because they wanted to, or when someone stops you right in the middle of the hallway to give you a really solid hug. The city seems to embrace you, showing you that it isn't insensitive like some might believe. And then just like that you move on. Your day continues and you join the rush of people. However things aren't the same. The city seems less threatening and more like some type of home.
Psalm 23
Friday, September 16, 2011
Here Comes the Sun Little Darlin'
I have a confession.... I have been blogging for my own sake/practice and so this blog has been neglected for far too long. I was experimenting with formatting and what have you and wanted to be able to do that knowing I was the only person seeing my blog flubs. But, I've decided that I'd like to pick this torch back up and develop The King's Girl blog. I figured I would still share the things that I posted on my other blog though. So here it is! :) Hope you enjoy.
http://herecomesthesunlittledarlin.blogspot.com/
Stay excellent!
http://herecomesthesunlittledarlin.blogspot.com/
Stay excellent!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Sweetly Broken, Wholly Surrendered
So, halfway through my first semester at King's I wrote a blog post and then thought that my computer had lost it. I was so disappointed and discouraged because I had spent a decent amount of time writing it and for some reason that made me hesitant to write out another blog post. Well, just yesterday I was looking over the blog and realized that it had saved the post without me knowing it! I read over it and knew that it was still something that struck truthful notes. So, here it is. A little late, yet still prevalent.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
When I felt all alone, God was there.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
When I felt all alone, God was there.
When I questioned my purpose, He took me to a dock off the Atlantic ocean, reminded me of all the memories I continue to share with loved ones in California, and told me that my purpose was the same as always. That my purpose was to love people just as I had the opportunity to do on the opposite coast.
When I missed home, He provided me with two amazing roommates that I could laugh, cry, and pray with. He blessed me with roommates that I not only get along with, but that I can be myself with and let down my guard around.
When I began to desperately miss my tight knit community of friends and brothers and sisters in Christ, God pulled me into the Spiritual Life Project, a group of people that (like my community in California) I believe I will stay close to for - Lord willing - the rest of my life.
When I was feeling run down or exhausted, God always seemed to send one of the ten Boom upperclassmen girls knocking on my door, to see if they could do anything to help me. They've listened, helped, encouraged, hugged, laughed, prayed, fed me, helped me clean, and just talked with me.
When I started to miss (the merry men :) my brothers, God opened our kitchen (hmmm... & yet not our sink! lol) and blessed a night of cooking, laughing and exploring. Every time I miss one of my sisters, God reminds me of the house that He has placed me in and the beautiful girls that He has surrounded me with.
When I felt frustrated because I didn't feel like I really *knew* anyone or felt like anyone really *knew* me, He sent me one of the best of friends to randomly go to Walgreens with, accidentally match with when working out, and to laugh at dorky things with until one or both of us are on the floor holding back happy tears.
Psalm 27:4-8 says,
“4 One thing I have desired of the LORD,
That will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the LORD
All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the LORD,
And to inquire in His temple.
5 For in the time of trouble
He shall hide me in His pavilion;
In the secret place of His tabernacle
He shall hide me;
He shall set me high upon a rock.
6 And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me;
Therefore I will offer sacrifices of joy in His tabernacle;
I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the LORD.
7 Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice!
Have mercy also upon me, and answer me.
8 When You said, “Seek My face,”
My heart said to You, “Your face, LORD, I will seek.”’
That will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the LORD
All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the LORD,
And to inquire in His temple.
5 For in the time of trouble
He shall hide me in His pavilion;
In the secret place of His tabernacle
He shall hide me;
He shall set me high upon a rock.
6 And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me;
Therefore I will offer sacrifices of joy in His tabernacle;
I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the LORD.
7 Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice!
Have mercy also upon me, and answer me.
8 When You said, “Seek My face,”
My heart said to You, “Your face, LORD, I will seek.”’
When I first made this blog, I wanted the name The King's Girl mainly because I was on my way to The King's College... but since I've been here, God has been opening my eyes. He has been showing me what His love really looks like. He has been teaching me (among many other things) what His character as a Father is and even as the love of my life. I hope to always desire that I would dwell in His house, and that I would be praising Him through my life and abiding in His will. I pray that wherever I am, I would be seeking the beauty of the Lord. To be a King's Girl means something more to me than it used to. It means to thrive in His love for me, to trust that He will provide, and to rely on Him completely because I know that He will meet me in my moments of need.
Monday, May 10, 2010
He is Lord in our storms!
I filled out my housing application yesterday for The King's College. The thought of roommates hit me for the first time! I immediately got butterflies ( I'm still not sure if these were nervous or excited butterflies) after pondering actually rooming with people and living in an apartment in the city. Before yesterday, I suppose I had continued to think that going to King's was only a dream or possibility. But now, filling out the roommate questionnaire and signing my name on the housing document, made me realize that this was actually happening!
The past couple of weeks, as I have begun to prep myself mentally for the idea of actually being in New York next year for school, I have felt a wave of fear, to be honest. Fear, that tells me that I won't be able to cope with that big of a change without all my loved ones around me. Fear, that cries, "You are just a child!" "You are too weak to be used!" or, "You're only going to fail!" Fear, that makes me wish that I could stay in my comfort zone. But then, I have realized, that God has brought me this far so why should I worry about coping! He directs my path! He is the one that provides for me and so there's no need to worry about feeling out of place. I should expect to miss all the people at home but, I also need to remember that God is with me, no matter where I go. I also know that I won't be losing the people that aren't coming with me (thank goodness!)! I have realized that, sure, I might still be a child, but it's even in that weakness that He will use me and He will make me stronger. I have also realized that it is outside of our comfort zones that God does miraculous things. If we were in our comfort zones, those acts of God might not seem so miraculous!
Yet, I still hear the winds howling, feel the ground shaking and the rain pouring. It is less than a month until graduation and I feel as if a storm is raging around me.
I have never... enjoyed... the verse where Jesus says, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” (Mathew 14:31) It strikes a sensitive note in my heart. I think every individual hears that verse, and cringes because we know that we should have more faith. I certainly know that I should have more faith! God has repeatedly provided for me and guided me through major trials. So, why is it that whenever a bad possibility arises, I lose nerve and begin to worry? I've witnessed God do miracles and yet I still forget His power and sovereignty! It makes me feel silly! I suppose though, that is what our flesh wants us to succumb to and dwelling on those flesh instincts will only make us weak. Remembering His power though can give us the strength to move mountains! How amazing is that?!
Let's go back to Mathew 14, specifically verses 22-33. Starting at 22-24, I'd like to point out that, first of all, Jesus sent the disciples ahead of Him. Jesus knew what He was sending them into and it just so happened to be a rather large storm! Jesus had a purpose in doing so. Second, I'd like to point out that the disciples didn't see Jesus until they were in the middle of the ocean. Mathew 14:23 says, "But the boat was now in the middle of the sea, tossed by the waves, for the wind was contrary." Jesus didn't appear to them until they were hopelessly in the middle of it all! I think that verse paints an amazing picture for our lives! I'd also like to point out that the boat was, "tossed by the waves, for the wind was contrary." Isn't it true that so often our trials are circumstances where we feel like our lives are out of control, tossed by waves of doubt, fear, and hardship because the winds are contrary to us? When God has given us a destination, a purpose, we can sometimes find ourselves fighting against waves on all sides and winds that try and push us to turn around or even worse, off course. The most reassuring thing though, is that God will come to us in the middle of it all! Now looking at verses 27-29, I've always thought Peter's question in verse 28 seemed curious. Jesus has walked up to the boat in the middle of the storm and Peter asks Jesus to prove Himself by commanding Peter to come out and join Him. Recently thinking over this though, I realized that Peter was stating that he knew Jesus was powerful enough to walk on water and all powerful enough to take someone, like Peter, and make him be able to walk on water too! Peter wanted to hear God command him to go and then he would know that the figure standing on water before him was Jesus, the Lord. I recently heard a speaker state, "We should want God more than peace." In my mind, that also applies to Peter's situation. If all that Peter cared about, was receiving peace, why didn't he call out saying, "If you are Jesus, then make this storm stop!" Peter wanted to come to Jesus. I'm sure Peter wanted peace, but clearly he wanted God even more. And what did God do with that desire? He did a miracle and kept Peter on the surface as he walked on water. The trick is to keep your focus, thoughts, will, desires and actions on God. If you don't, you start to sink. We start to question everything... Why did God choose me? How can He make this happen and how is it possible to remove this obstacle in front of me? And the most ridiculous question that you could ask while God has already taken you out of the boat and out of your comfort zone and has already provided you solid ground in the most chaotic of storms... What if I fail? What if I sink and drown?
My pastor this last Sunday, gave a message that I was really blessed by. One of the things that really stood out to me, was that God is Lord in our storms! Jesus sends us in a particular direction, for a particular purpose. He knows that a storm is on the horizon. At the moment we think that our boat or our lives are going to fall apart, He comes to us. He presents Himself above the storm, unaffected by the wind and waves. In control of the storm in fact! He calls to us saying, "Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid." Yet we are still afraid. Only once we trust fully in Him and seek Him above peace, can we truly find peace. He will give us the confidence to step out and we can be assured that He will create a solid ground for us to step out onto, even though we feel like we are in the middle of the most chaotic, stressful, fearful and unstable circumstance possible! He is our only source of stability. Stability will not come from our boat or comfort zones because those will only continue to rock. Stability will not be found in the people in the boat with us because use they are just as scared as we are. He is the only one, powerful enough to create stability amongst chaos. Because He is Lord in our storms! The storm might seem chaotic to us, but really, He is directing us through it! He will keep us a float and He will always be with us. All we have to do is have faith in Him and remember that He is Lord in our storms!
The past couple of weeks, as I have begun to prep myself mentally for the idea of actually being in New York next year for school, I have felt a wave of fear, to be honest. Fear, that tells me that I won't be able to cope with that big of a change without all my loved ones around me. Fear, that cries, "You are just a child!" "You are too weak to be used!" or, "You're only going to fail!" Fear, that makes me wish that I could stay in my comfort zone. But then, I have realized, that God has brought me this far so why should I worry about coping! He directs my path! He is the one that provides for me and so there's no need to worry about feeling out of place. I should expect to miss all the people at home but, I also need to remember that God is with me, no matter where I go. I also know that I won't be losing the people that aren't coming with me (thank goodness!)! I have realized that, sure, I might still be a child, but it's even in that weakness that He will use me and He will make me stronger. I have also realized that it is outside of our comfort zones that God does miraculous things. If we were in our comfort zones, those acts of God might not seem so miraculous!
Yet, I still hear the winds howling, feel the ground shaking and the rain pouring. It is less than a month until graduation and I feel as if a storm is raging around me.
I have never... enjoyed... the verse where Jesus says, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” (Mathew 14:31) It strikes a sensitive note in my heart. I think every individual hears that verse, and cringes because we know that we should have more faith. I certainly know that I should have more faith! God has repeatedly provided for me and guided me through major trials. So, why is it that whenever a bad possibility arises, I lose nerve and begin to worry? I've witnessed God do miracles and yet I still forget His power and sovereignty! It makes me feel silly! I suppose though, that is what our flesh wants us to succumb to and dwelling on those flesh instincts will only make us weak. Remembering His power though can give us the strength to move mountains! How amazing is that?!
Let's go back to Mathew 14, specifically verses 22-33. Starting at 22-24, I'd like to point out that, first of all, Jesus sent the disciples ahead of Him. Jesus knew what He was sending them into and it just so happened to be a rather large storm! Jesus had a purpose in doing so. Second, I'd like to point out that the disciples didn't see Jesus until they were in the middle of the ocean. Mathew 14:23 says, "But the boat was now in the middle of the sea, tossed by the waves, for the wind was contrary." Jesus didn't appear to them until they were hopelessly in the middle of it all! I think that verse paints an amazing picture for our lives! I'd also like to point out that the boat was, "tossed by the waves, for the wind was contrary." Isn't it true that so often our trials are circumstances where we feel like our lives are out of control, tossed by waves of doubt, fear, and hardship because the winds are contrary to us? When God has given us a destination, a purpose, we can sometimes find ourselves fighting against waves on all sides and winds that try and push us to turn around or even worse, off course. The most reassuring thing though, is that God will come to us in the middle of it all! Now looking at verses 27-29, I've always thought Peter's question in verse 28 seemed curious. Jesus has walked up to the boat in the middle of the storm and Peter asks Jesus to prove Himself by commanding Peter to come out and join Him. Recently thinking over this though, I realized that Peter was stating that he knew Jesus was powerful enough to walk on water and all powerful enough to take someone, like Peter, and make him be able to walk on water too! Peter wanted to hear God command him to go and then he would know that the figure standing on water before him was Jesus, the Lord. I recently heard a speaker state, "We should want God more than peace." In my mind, that also applies to Peter's situation. If all that Peter cared about, was receiving peace, why didn't he call out saying, "If you are Jesus, then make this storm stop!" Peter wanted to come to Jesus. I'm sure Peter wanted peace, but clearly he wanted God even more. And what did God do with that desire? He did a miracle and kept Peter on the surface as he walked on water. The trick is to keep your focus, thoughts, will, desires and actions on God. If you don't, you start to sink. We start to question everything... Why did God choose me? How can He make this happen and how is it possible to remove this obstacle in front of me? And the most ridiculous question that you could ask while God has already taken you out of the boat and out of your comfort zone and has already provided you solid ground in the most chaotic of storms... What if I fail? What if I sink and drown?
My pastor this last Sunday, gave a message that I was really blessed by. One of the things that really stood out to me, was that God is Lord in our storms! Jesus sends us in a particular direction, for a particular purpose. He knows that a storm is on the horizon. At the moment we think that our boat or our lives are going to fall apart, He comes to us. He presents Himself above the storm, unaffected by the wind and waves. In control of the storm in fact! He calls to us saying, "Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid." Yet we are still afraid. Only once we trust fully in Him and seek Him above peace, can we truly find peace. He will give us the confidence to step out and we can be assured that He will create a solid ground for us to step out onto, even though we feel like we are in the middle of the most chaotic, stressful, fearful and unstable circumstance possible! He is our only source of stability. Stability will not come from our boat or comfort zones because those will only continue to rock. Stability will not be found in the people in the boat with us because use they are just as scared as we are. He is the only one, powerful enough to create stability amongst chaos. Because He is Lord in our storms! The storm might seem chaotic to us, but really, He is directing us through it! He will keep us a float and He will always be with us. All we have to do is have faith in Him and remember that He is Lord in our storms!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)